No Easy Walk

You may have seen it floating around the Interwebs in the wake of the past week's school protests against gun violence: "Walk Up, Not Out", a slogan encouraging students to, instead of taking part in political protests, try befriending ostracized kids who might, if  they are only smiled at more, decide not to become mass murderers.

There's so much wrong with that idea that it's hard to know where to start.

Let's get out of the way, first, the idea that I'm opposed to kindness. Nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, cheesy as it may sound, I consider approaching everyone I meet with kindness in an attempt to make their day a little brighter one of my purposes in life.

But why, then, if I'm so invested in random acts of kindness as a way to change the world for the better, am I so opposed to the "Walk Up" message?

Because it's not really about kindness. It's not even about reaching out. It's about shifting the responsibility. And in this case, it's about shifting the responsibility for stopping mass murderers from society, from the social structures and organizations we create and maintain, and from individual adults - you know, people like me - to kids. Kids, a.k.a. the victims. Because, I guess, it's too hard on the poor grown-ups to have to consider our part in creating and maintaining the situations that have created serial mass murders in our nation, so, just as with so many other things - like fossil fuel-based transport, landfills, unmaintained infrastructure, stagnating wages, ballooning housing, healthcare, and educational costs, and the national debt - we are just going to kick the can down the road again and leave our problems for the kids to deal with.

Frankly, we grown-ups kind of suck.

But it's even worse than just ignoring our problems and hoping the next generation fixes them. "Walk Up, Not Out" is the social equivalent of the personal responsibility approach to environmentalism, for example promoting household recycling, or riding bikes instead of using cars; it's designed to make us feel individually responsible for saving the planet/making our society safer, while ignoring the fact that there are larger players and factors at work. In the case of environmental issues, large-scale pollution from industries, companies that use irresponsible packaging policies (remember when you could return bottles for a deposit? I don't; it's been too long. But it used to happen), and a lack of public transit or affordable low-emission or no-emission private vehicles have a much larger effect on the environment than any one person's efforts. And it's the same with social problems. Being kind is great, but it can no more solve pervasive social problems like hunger, poverty, lack of medical care, abuse, or ingrained racism and misogyny than me recycling all my #2 plastics can eradicate the Great Plastic Gyre in the Pacific Ocean. But we're fed the line anyway, constantly: only YOU can solve this issue, with your PERSONAL ACTIONS!

And now we're feeding it to our kids.

No.

It's the same old line, the same old lie, that "just one person in the right place at the right time can change the world". Well, maybe she can - but not by herself. We love our heroes in this country. Martin Luther King, Jr., Rosa Parks...we idolize them. But we forget that they weren't alone. Martin Luther King, Jr. gave stirring speeches and sermons, but it was the actions of thousands of marchers and protesters that made change begin to happen at last. Rosa Parks kept her seat on the bus as part of a planned action, working with others to provoke a response that could spark a movement. We can change the world - but we can do it together, not alone.

Some time ago, I read an article (and I wish I could find it to cite it here) about the atrocious conditions endured by sweatshop workers, I can't even remember where, and how they were fighting to organize and demand better wages and working conditions. The writer who interviewed some of the workers was surprised that they were wearing cheap knock-off versions of the expensive name-brand clothes they were working themselves to death to create. Why, he asked, would you support these companies by wearing their logos? The workers thought this was a ridiculous question to ask. What, they replied, do our individual clothing choices have to do with anything? It's our actions as a group that will make the difference.

And that's what struck me the most about the piece: the sheer incredulity of these workers at the idea that has become a mantra of "right action" in the United States, that of the individual protest, the individual action. Buy the right product, eat the right food, live in the right way, and save the world. Never mind the landfill being put in next door; you have a compost heap! Never mind the pollutants being dumped in the river; you only buy organically-grown local foods! Never mind the rising tide of antisemitism and white supremacy, or misogyny, or nationalism; you smiled at an ostracized white boy in the lunchroom today! It's capitalist activism at its best, encouraging us to transact our way to a better tomorrow, each of us overwhelmed by the task but making our individual way through the fog as best we can - never realizing that we are stumbling along inches away from sisters and brothers who can help us, who can be helped by us.

The kids at the protests have it right. We don't need to "walk up". We need to walk - walk out, walk in, walk away, walk toward our future - together.

Icarus

Tonight I found a song that has haunted me for nearly twenty-five years: Anne Lister's "Icarus", as sung by Martin Simpson.

I heard it only once, in a live performance on a radio program, and yet it affected me so powerfully that it has stayed with me all these years. Though I could remember only the title and a line and a half of the song itself, I've tried repeatedly to find out who the singer was and hear it again, and failed each time. (There are, it seems, a lot of songs called "Icarus".)

Until today.

I'm listening to the rest of Simpson's album Bootleg USA right now. It's really good.

Here's a link to a YouTube version of the song.

You are more than the sum - or success - of your dreams

"Follow your dreams!"

"If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life!"

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Note the phrasing in that last one: "What do you want to be?", not "What do you want to do?"

It's assumed, in our society, that who we are is reflected in what we do - and not just what we do for fun, but specifically what we do to earn a living. In many cases, in fact, it's not that our identity is reflected by our work; rather, it's defined by it.

"I'm a doctor."

"I'm a mechanic."

"I'm a stay-at-home mom."

"I'm unemployed."

What we do shapes how others perceive us, and even how we perceive ourselves. It's how we present ourselves to the world; how it, and we, know who we are.

But what of those of us whose work doesn't reflect us? Isn't drawn from the deepest wells of our souls?

Something I didn't learn until I was in my thirties was that not everyone has a singular driving passion. That in fact only about 25% of us do. And it may seem strange, but learning that made me feel so much better about myself - to know that not knowing what I "should" be doing with my life, with my career, did not make me strange, or unfocused, or unusual. That no, unlike what we're so often told, not everyone has "a passion". And that it's okay. That it's actually normal.

It's great to be a groundbreaker, to live a life of innovation and discovery and share that with the world. But it's also great to live a life of quiet integrity, and share that with the world. There will always be more average people than outliers, but that doesn't mean the average people are unimportant. Our lives shape the communities we live in and the people we live with. We are the background music against which the virtuosos' arias and cadenzas take flight.

And yes, part of the problem is that we are pushed both to "follow our dreams" and to find jobs that will support us...and let's face it, for most of us, those are going to be incompatible goals even if we do have a single driving passion. Most driving passions don't pay well. Being told that we won't be happy unless we follow our dreams...while we're working a minimum wage retail job (or two, or three) because nothing else is available...isn't helpful. It's just stressful, not to mention that it teaches us to blame ourselves for not dreaming big or trying hard enough to live the kind of lives we want.

So if you have a passion, by all means, follow it wherever it takes you! And as far as it depends on you, don't let what you must do to survive keep you from actually enjoying your life. But if you don't have a passion, don't feel bad. Living a good life - a life of giving and sharing and loving - is a worthy endeavor all on its own.