You are more than the sum - or success - of your dreams

"Follow your dreams!"

"If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life!"

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Note the phrasing in that last one: "What do you want to be?", not "What do you want to do?"

It's assumed, in our society, that who we are is reflected in what we do - and not just what we do for fun, but specifically what we do to earn a living. In many cases, in fact, it's not that our identity is reflected by our work; rather, it's defined by it.

"I'm a doctor."

"I'm a mechanic."

"I'm a stay-at-home mom."

"I'm unemployed."

What we do shapes how others perceive us, and even how we perceive ourselves. It's how we present ourselves to the world; how it, and we, know who we are.

But what of those of us whose work doesn't reflect us? Isn't drawn from the deepest wells of our souls?

Something I didn't learn until I was in my thirties was that not everyone has a singular driving passion. That in fact only about 25% of us do. And it may seem strange, but learning that made me feel so much better about myself - to know that not knowing what I "should" be doing with my life, with my career, did not make me strange, or unfocused, or unusual. That no, unlike what we're so often told, not everyone has "a passion". And that it's okay. That it's actually normal.

It's great to be a groundbreaker, to live a life of innovation and discovery and share that with the world. But it's also great to live a life of quiet integrity, and share that with the world. There will always be more average people than outliers, but that doesn't mean the average people are unimportant. Our lives shape the communities we live in and the people we live with. We are the background music against which the virtuosos' arias and cadenzas take flight.

And yes, part of the problem is that we are pushed both to "follow our dreams" and to find jobs that will support us...and let's face it, for most of us, those are going to be incompatible goals even if we do have a single driving passion. Most driving passions don't pay well. Being told that we won't be happy unless we follow our dreams...while we're working a minimum wage retail job (or two, or three) because nothing else is available...isn't helpful. It's just stressful, not to mention that it teaches us to blame ourselves for not dreaming big or trying hard enough to live the kind of lives we want.

So if you have a passion, by all means, follow it wherever it takes you! And as far as it depends on you, don't let what you must do to survive keep you from actually enjoying your life. But if you don't have a passion, don't feel bad. Living a good life - a life of giving and sharing and loving - is a worthy endeavor all on its own.